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Chris G. Williams Beware: I mix tech and personal interests here.
Let me start by saying I really like Samuel L. Jackson. I hope he had fun making this movie. It looked like he had fun. Surely he had more fun making it than I had watching it. This movie sucked. It sucked in a way that defies words. In sucked in that way that Love Boat reruns you watched with your grandmother when you were a kid sucked. Only more so.

I had a plan. Samuel L. Jackson has a certain "signature" phrase he uses a lot in movies. Knowing this, and knowing I was in for a bad movie, I decided to play a game. Every time Mr. Jackson used his signature phrase, I would take a drink. It was a good plan, and secretly I hoped that I wouldn't even be able to finish the movie... having taken so many drinks, you see?

Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. On the upside, since I remained sober for pretty much the entire movie, I was possessed of the mental faculties necessary to Twitter my impressions of the film as it went along. I'll let that suffice as my review.

Remember, Twitter has a 140 character limit, so brevity is key here...

home at last, McD's chicken nuggets and Snakes On A Plane DVD after a 12 hour day at work. life is good again.

every time SLJ says MF, I take a drink. I wonder if I'll make it to the end of the movie.

wow this movie is bad. 23 minutes in... first snake sighting, still no MF from SLJ though. No drinks yet.

damn that's a lot of snakes. damn this movie is dumb. SLJ just tazered a Cobra.

thank god there's a professional kickboxer on the plane to save the hot chick and the gay flight attendant from all the snakes.

the gay flight attendant is now sucking the poison out of the rappers fat bodyguard's ass... and still no drink for me. SLJ you let me down.

oh noes... both pilots are dead... fortunately SLJ knows how to fly a bigass plane... and still no drinks for me. someone lied to me

crap the honeymoon couple just got eaten. .. and now the giant damn python is loose. snooty french guy threw a chihuahua at the snake. HAHA

armed with only a zippo, a can of hairspray and a mag-lite, SLJ fixes the air conditioning... thank god!! germphobe rapper is freaking out.

OMGNFW SLJ finds a speargun in the cargo hold and kills a rattlesnake with it. such a good shot!!

all the hot chicks are hugging SLJ and the germ-phobe rapper gave him an air-five... awww the pilot we thought was dead wasn't, but is now.

YES!! two drinks in 10 seconds!! 1 hour and 26 minutes in...

SLJ just shot out the windows to suck all the snakes out while Keenan (yes that Keenan) climbs into the cockpit to LAND THE PLANE!!

oh god BRACE FOR IMPACT!!

whooo another drink!! annnnd we're safe. on. the. ground.

damn. gay flight attendant had a hot girlfriend after all... and SLG gets a date w/ the hot stewardess who was quitting to go to law school.

well it was an hour and 40 minutes I'll never, ever, get back. but... oooh two more drinks!!!

and its over.

hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did...
Posted on Thursday, August 21, 2008 4:25 PM General Interest , Reviews | Back to top


Comments on this post: Snakes on a Plane... the review

# re: Snakes on a Plane... the review
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Left by zblmw on Sep 21, 2008 7:47 PM

# re: Snakes on a Plane... the review
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Snakes on a Plane was one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I don't think it was intentionally funny, but the scenes where people got bit by snakes were hilarious. I think the actors weren't told to act. I think they were told to ham it up as much as they possibly could.
Left by K on Feb 01, 2009 5:21 PM

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